It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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