Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
