She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
