the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
