K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize