I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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