god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
