Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also, beer. Big fan.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
