Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
