I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
