How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
