Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
