U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
