We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
