No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
