She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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