What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
