dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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