Need sex. Gaining weight.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If I die, sorry about rent.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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