hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
