oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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