no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
