it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
