Pappa wants mamma naked
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
