just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
