Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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