Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
