my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
