Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize