I looked at my own cervix.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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