Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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