There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
