Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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