Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
