she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize