Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
