just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The power of my boobs compel you
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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