My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
