i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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