I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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