I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
