So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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