I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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