Your mouth is God's brothel.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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