I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
