is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
