You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
