i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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