my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
