I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
