You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
