how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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