I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
