We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
