I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
