I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
false alarm, still single
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
