he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
