she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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