you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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