I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
