Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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