I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
