First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
