her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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