You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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