So drunk its hurt
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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