i would punch a child for taco bell
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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