I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
