I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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