before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
